Six Months Sober: Why People Don’t Believe I’ve Changed Yet

When I first got a string of sober months together, I thought the world should already see the change in me. I had a chip in my pocket, meetings under my belt, I was actually working the steps this time, and for the first time in a long time I wasn’t waking up hungover or scrambling to explain away bad decisions. Inside, I felt different. I thought that should be enough for everyone else to notice and celebrate with me. What I didn’t expect was the silence, the skepticism, and sometimes even the eye rolls. I couldn’t understand why people weren’t applauding the “new me.”

Here’s the truth I had to accept: alcoholics like me spend years making promises we never keep. We say “this time is different” and “I really mean it now” so many times that our loved ones eventually stop listening. I had broken trust with family, friends, employers, and myself over and over again. Six months clean was a miracle to me, but to the people who had been burned countless times, it wasn’t proof yet. It was a start.

Looking back, I realize that I had even been through stretches of sobriety before, only to crash and burn. I would string together a few months, maybe even longer, and convince myself and others that I had turned a corner. But eventually, the obsession won and I drank again. Each relapse reinforced the belief that I couldn’t be trusted. So when I got six months sober this time, why should they have believed it was any different? From their perspective, they were waiting to see if I would fail again.

It’s like that saying: we didn’t just wander into the woods for a few minutes—we walked deep into the forest, dragging our loved ones with us. We can’t expect to walk back out in an afternoon. We created years of chaos, lies, and letdowns. Rebuilding takes time, sometimes a long time. And not just time, but consistency. People don’t change their opinions of us because of what we say. They change their opinions of us because of what we do, over and over again.

That’s why the program is so clear about living differently, not just talking differently. Step Nine tells us that amends are about action, not apologies. Step Ten calls us to keep looking at ourselves every day, making corrections when we fall short. Step Eleven keeps us connected to a Higher Power, because without that spiritual grounding we’re back to running the show ourselves. And Step Twelve reminds us that the best way to show people we’ve changed is to be useful to others. None of that happens quickly. But when we live that way long enough, people notice.

There’s a line often quoted in meetings: “Faith without works is dead.” I wanted people to take me at my word when I said I was sober. But my words had been cheap for years. My actions had to do the talking. That meant showing up on time, paying bills, being honest when it was uncomfortable, making amends when I messed up, and staying sober no matter what. Slowly, the doubt began to fade. My family and friends started to see that maybe this time really was different, because my behavior—not just my talk—was different.

I had to also learn patience. The book says that some of the Promises of working the Program will come “sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.” I didn’t like the slowly part, but that’s how most of my relationships healed. An old-timer once told me, “You didn’t wreck your life in six months, don’t expect to rebuild it in six months either.” That stuck with me. I wanted instant recognition for the change I felt inside. But sobriety isn’t about instant results. It’s about building a new life one day at a time.

For anyone new who’s wrestling with this frustration, here’s the encouragement: don’t measure your progress by how quickly people believe in you. Keep doing the next right thing. Stay close to meetings. Work the Steps. Take direction from a sponsor. Live differently than you used to live. Over time, people will see it. And when they do, their trust and acceptance will mean so much more because it will be based on reality, not promises.

It can be discouraging when others don’t cheer for our early milestones. But recovery isn’t about proving anything to others—it’s about staying sober and becoming the kind of person we were meant to be. The miracle is that if we stay the course, the very people who once doubted us will eventually witness the change with their own eyes. And by then, the trust will be real, not borrowed.

There’s lots of AA meetings available to attend in-person or virtually. If you’re struggling with drinking, seek out the help you need, you can’t do it on your own. I know I couldn’t do it on my own and still can’t.

Find a sponsor that will take you through the steps as outlined in the book. You’ll see more of the truth about who you are and eventually it’ll change your life.

Change Your Truth, Change Your Life.

Haler Smith