Meetings Alone Will Not Keep You Sober

Going to AA meetings is an important part of recovery from Alcoholism. But if that’s all you do, you’re not going to stay sober for long. If staying away from alcohol and surrounding yourself with other people that aren’t drinking was enough to cure us, then there would be a lot more sober people out there.

What happens to a drunken horse thief that stops drinking and starts going to meetings? You have a dry horse thief attending meetings. There’s not a lot of experience, strength and hope listening to a dry horse thief that is just not drinking and who’s only experience is “I don’t drink, and I go to meetings”. They are still running their life based on self-centered motives, but now they don’t have alcohol to numb the pain of running their life based on self-will.

If you are only going to meetings and doing nothing else, how is that going? Are you still miserable? Are you more miserable sober? Do you feel like “they lied to you” when they said, “all you need to do is stop drinking and go to meetings”?  It’s because you removed the only solution you had to numb the pain of a life run on self-will and didn’t replace it with a new solution. Now you have nothing to cope with life, and you’re continuing to run your life the way you did while drinking. No wonder you’re in pain. But you can fix that.

Starting off in recovery you have to go to meetings; that’s where it begins. Whether you’re being told by your counselor, judge or spouse that you need help, or you’re just coming out of a rehab, or you made a call to the AA hotline in your area, going to a meeting is where the road to recovery begins. That’s where you will find answers to questions you have about “am I an alcoholic?”, you’ll find the fellowship, you’ll find a sponsor that will take you through the steps and you’ll get good exposure to a lot of information on this disease.  But that’s it, you’ll only get the Unity aspect of AA. There is identification in meetings; you’ll hear other people’s experience, and you might find some common situations that you can relate to. Surrounding yourself with others that are not drinking is safe and encourages the right changes that need to be made in life. But there’s no Recovery or Service in just going to meetings.

The Three Legacies of AA are Recovery, Unity, Service. For me, without all 3 working in my life, I would not be happy, joyous and free in sobriety. I didn’t get sober to stay miserable.

Recovery happens through working the steps with a sponsor to establish and maintain a relationship with a Higher Power. Service to AA and other suffering alcoholics is just as vital as Unit and Recovery. If I’m not giving back what was so freely given to me, then I’m still living a self-centered life and therefore still blocking my Higher Power from truly being part of my life.

Fellowship is a vital part of the AA program, and you can’t really get that without meetings. But you will have to do more if you want to stay sober for long. Taking the steps (Recovery) and giving back (Service) are vital parts of the program. Without all three parts (Recovery, Unity, Service) I know I would not have been able to connect to a Higher Power, create a new friend group, or feel fulfilled by serving others. Without all 3 I would not be able to live a happy, joyous and free life today.

I did not start off doing all 3, and it is unrealistic to believe that you can start off doing all three. I started going to meetings first. Then I found a sponsor in the meetings I attended. Then I started taking the steps. After going to meetings for a short period of time, I started to get to the meeting early to help set up and stayed a little late to help clean up. Helping out at the meetings that I attended helped me not think about how miserable my life was, and I finally started feeling useful. I would help set up chairs, put out literature, wash ashtrays and coffee cups. It also helped me build a recovery network. I usually saw the same people helping out and we became friends. The busier I was in early sobriety, the better I felt. At some point I was asked to make coffee at a meeting I attended every week. I shared what was going on in my life in that meeting and they still asked me to make coffee. I said yes.

What usually happens when all you do is go to meetings? Here’s what I’ve seen over the years. The longer you stay sober you will eventually see someone come back into the rooms after drinking again. They usually say that they were going to 5 meetings a week and they just don’t know why they got drunk. The truth is it’s because they didn’t have the other 2 parts of the legacy working in their life.  They didn’t work the steps on a regular basis, they were not expanding their relationship with a power greater than themselves, and they weren’t doing any service. They were basically working 1 aspect of Recovery, Unity, Service but expecting the results of all 3. That’s delusional and it doesn’t work that way.

Today, I am trying to live Progress, not Perfection. I do not live in all 3 Legacies (Recovery, Service, Unity) all the time. I try my best. I go to 3-4 meetings a week, I have a sponsor, I am a sponsor, I show up early and stay late at meetings to help set up and clean up. I try to review my conduct on a regular basis. Throughout the day I try to watch where my character defects are starting to flare. I try to reach out to other alcoholics, and I pray. I regularly fall short of perfectly doing all that the program tells me I should be doing. But each day I try to do better than I did yesterday.

There’s lots of AA meetings available to attend in-person or virtually. If you’re struggling with drinking, seek out the help you need, you can’t do it on your own. I know I couldn’t do it on my own and still can’t.

Find a sponsor that will take you through the steps as outlined in the book. You’ll see more of the truth about who you are and eventually it’ll change your life.

Change Your Truth, Change Your Life.

Haler Smith