How the Steps Led Me to a Spiritual Awakening

When I first came into AA and heard people talk about a “spiritual awakening,” I honestly thought they were exaggerating or talking about something that only happened to a chosen few. In my head, it meant a lightning bolt from the sky, a vision, or some dramatic, mystical moment where God suddenly revealed Himself in a way I couldn’t deny. Part of me hoped for that. Part of me feared it. But mostly, I just didn’t think it would ever happen to me. I was too far gone, too damaged, and too ordinary for something like that.

What I’ve discovered since then is that spiritual awakening looks nothing like I thought it would. It wasn’t fireworks or lightning bolts. It wasn’t a single moment that changed everything forever. It was a process, a gradual shift, a waking up to a new way of living that I didn’t even realize was possible.

The Big Book says we will have a “spiritual awakening as the result of the Steps.” That promise is what gave me hope when I couldn’t imagine change for myself. I didn’t have to chase some mystical experience. I just had to do the work of the Steps, and the awakening would come in God’s timing. And for me, it did—sometimes in small ways, and sometimes in ways that felt huge.

One of my first clear experiences happened after I took Step Five. I had put all my resentments, fears, and harms down on paper and then shared them with another man. I was terrified going into it. I thought once I read it all out loud, he’d look at me with disgust. I thought he’d tell me I was too broken to fix. But that’s not what happened. He listened. He understood. And when we were done, he told me, “This is you on paper. You don’t have to be this person anymore.”

Driving away from that meeting, I remember stopping at a light and feeling an overwhelming sense of peace and ease. It wasn’t dramatic to anyone else, but inside of me it felt like a miracle. For the first time in years, I wasn’t suffocating under shame. I wasn’t replaying my past mistakes on repeat in my head. I felt free, even if just for a moment. That was my first taste of spiritual awakening.

Since then, I’ve come to see that awakening isn’t a one-time event. It’s something that continues to unfold as I live in the Steps. When I practice Step Ten, I notice my character defects more quickly and can stop before they ruin my day or hurt someone else. When I practice Step Eleven, I connect with God through prayer and meditation in ways that bring quiet strength. And when I live Step Twelve, helping others becomes less of a chore and more of a joy. Those are awakenings too—moments when I’m living differently than I ever could on my own power.

The truth is, my spiritual awakening didn’t look like being struck by lightning. It looked like small shifts that added up to a new way of life. It looked like pausing instead of exploding in anger. It looked like saying “I was wrong” instead of defending myself at all costs. It looked like showing up for people I once let down. And it looked like experiencing gratitude not as a slogan, but as something real in my heart.

If you’re new and you wonder whether this will ever happen for you, let me encourage you: don’t chase it, just trust the process. The book says “sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.” My experience is that it happens exactly when we’re ready for it, not when we demand it. And the real evidence of awakening isn’t whether you see visions—it’s whether your life begins to look different, whether your heart begins to soften, and whether you begin to live in ways you couldn’t before.

For me, spiritual awakening has meant waking up from the fog of self and being led by something greater than myself. It has meant trading chaos for peace, isolation for connection, and despair for hope. That’s what it looked like for me, and it’s what I believe is available for anyone who takes these Steps with honesty and willingness.

There’s lots of AA meetings available to attend in-person or virtually. If you’re struggling with drinking, seek out the help you need, you can’t do it on your own. I know I couldn’t do it on my own and still can’t.

Find a sponsor that will take you through the steps as outlined in the book. You’ll see more of the truth about who you are and eventually it’ll change your life.

Change Your Truth, Change Your Life.

Haler Smith