FOMO in Sobriety: What Am I Really Missing Out On?

When I was newly sober, one of the hardest feelings to shake was the fear of missing out. My friends were still going to the bars, and still telling wild stories the next day. I’d hear them talk about it the next day and fell like I wasn’t part of the fun anymore. Sometimes that fear was so strong that I’d actually go with them to the bar just so I didn’t feel left out. I told myself I could just hang out, drink soda, and not touch alcohol. But the truth was, being there was torture. The fear of missing out drove me straight into dangerous places, and more than once, it led me right back to relapse.

That’s the trap of FOMO in early sobriety. We think we’re missing out on good times, but what we’re really missing out on are hangovers, regrets, and broken promises. Alcoholism has a way of cunning, baffling and powerful way of convincing us that chaos is fun and pain is exciting. When I looked at those nights honestly, I saw the truth: I didn’t miss out on laughter and belonging, I missed out on throwing up in a bathroom, waking up in shame, and explaining myself to people I had hurt yet again. But in the moment, it didn’t feel that way. The disease told me that everyone else was having fun without me.

That’s where the program of AA started to change things. Step One helped me see that alcohol always took more than it gave, no matter how much I wanted to believe otherwise. “One day at a time” reminded me to focus on the life I was building, not the one I thought I was losing. And Step Twelve showed me that real connection doesn’t happen sitting on a barstool—it happens when I’m in service, helping another alcoholic, or just showing up for my group.

The Promises say that fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us, but I think they also apply to fear of missing out. Slowly, sometimes quickly, the things I once thought were fun started to look empty. The more I leaned into fellowship, the more I saw that I wasn’t missing out at all—I was gaining something better.

I remember going to a party to go to with some of my old classmates. I thought I’d prove to myself that I could be around it and still feel included. But standing there with a Coke in my hand, trying not to drink, wasn’t fun at all. I was restless, irritated, and full of temptation. That was the moment it hit me: I wasn’t missing out on anything except misery. The truth was, the real fun was happening somewhere else—around the coffee pots at meetings, in late-night diner runs with other alcoholics, or sitting in someone’s living room laughing about the crazy things we used to do and the grace that kept us sober today. Being around people on the same spiritual path gave me more joy than any bar ever did.

For newcomers, I want to say this: it’s normal to feel FOMO in early sobriety. We gave up something that felt like our whole life, and it’s natural to feel like we’ve lost a piece of ourselves. But give it time, and you’ll see what I saw—you’re not missing out on anything good. You’re gaining a life where you remember what happened last night. You’re gaining relationships that aren’t built on lies. You’re gaining peace of mind, laughter that isn’t fueled by chemicals, and mornings that don’t start with shame.

If FOMO creeps up on you, go to a meeting. Call someone in your network. Pray. Say yes to service. Get around people who are building a life in recovery, because that’s where the real belonging is. You’ll find out quickly that you haven’t lost anything—you’ve gained everything worth having.

At the end of the day, I thought I was missing out on life by getting sober. The truth is, the only thing I missed out on was more pain.

There’s lots of AA meetings available to attend in-person or virtually. If you’re struggling with drinking, seek out the help you need, you can’t do it on your own. I know I couldn’t do it on my own and still can’t.

Find a sponsor that will take you through the steps as outlined in the book. You’ll see more of the truth about who you are and eventually it’ll change your life.

Change Your Truth, Change Your Life.

Haler Smith